twenty-something from New York.
have you ever just looked at someone and thought, my fucking god i adore you. i adore every goddamn ounce. i adore your bones and your soul. but I’m a loser, who just doesn’t wanna lose you. i can lose fucking everything, but not you. oh god. not you.
This is something I have not been talking about on my blog very much because it’s been so detrimental to my mental health for such a long time that I am only now ready to speak up.
I have worked for Canada Post for four years. I have been bullied and talked down to by the majority of my coworkers, most of whom are decades older than myself. Towards the second half of 2013, I had begun to experience worsening levels of anxiety and depression. Soon, I was experiencing debilitating panic attacks at work, and I found myself often hiding and in the washroom crying and trying to catch my breath. One day, my boss called me into her office to discuss something random. She went off on a lengthy homophobic rant about how disgusting she thought it was to see two men holding hands in public. I was in the closet at the time, so I tried to keep my composure and remain calm, but I left work that day feeling worse than ever.
The next week, I called in sick. I called in every day because I couldn’t sleep at night and the anxiety I was feeling daily was enough to make me physically ill. A few days later, police woke me up after they broken down my back door. They were accompanied by my mother, who had received a phone call at work from my boss saying I was suicidal or had attempted suicide. My mom was hysterical. I was furious.
When I confronted my manager, she exclaimed that she had received n tip saying I was suicidal and wanted to check on me. She refused to tell me anything more until I was “healthy.”
Not long after, I went on short term disability. After a couple months, I was told my case was being forwarded to another agent who would be handling my appeal. The agent told me the appeal was to extend my coverage and that I had nothing to worry about while it was happening because I would continue to be paid.
When I was instructed to have medical forms filled out for the insurance company, I was bounced back and forth from doctor to doctor to psychiatrist to doctor before I finally met someone who could do it.
Little did I know, the doctor who gave the insurance company my medical record (about prescriptions and continued support for medical leave) had also given them my confidential mental health worker’s notes.
A month later I received a letter in the mail saying my appeal had been denied on the basis that there was not sufficient medical records to show I was experiencing symptoms of depression, anxiety, and struggling with my sexual identity.
Despite being on prescription medication, in weekly group and solo therapy, and having doctor’s approval to be off work, the appeal was denied due to the fact that I was not straight.
The second appeal was also denied, and the 10 page report includes lines like "[Rhyse] has issues by bisexuality" "experiencing percieved hostility in the workplace" and “[he] has developed situation anxiety at work” The report completely invalidates any actual harassment I had experienced at work, and then goes on to use that as an explanation for why I have been experiencing anxiety.
The report includes no less than 7 completely irrelevant references to my sexuality and frames them as an excuse to invalidate the very real and dangerous mental health issues I have struggled with for the past year. Keep in mind that all of this information was collected illegally without my consent. Because the appeal was denied, I am expected to repay Canada Post $8990.40 CDN and up to $2000 in back taxes.
I am meeting with a lawyer on Tuesday, September 2nd, for a consultation that I am paying out of my own pocket, but if I am to continue seeking damages from the hospital that released my information, my employer, and my insurance company, I will need to be able to pay the retainer fee which is expected to be in the low thousands.
I know this is a lot to ask of you, but I have been caught in the middle of a war with my mental health and my employer for over a year and taking legal action is the only way to put this to rest and allow me to continue on my road to recovery. Every penny, like, and reblog helps. Thank you so much.
This is someone dying while having an MRI scan. Before you die, your brain releases tons and tons of endorphins that make you feel a range of emotions. Tragically beautiful.
Can never not reblog.
this is crazy. they say this is when ‘your life flashes before your eyes’
one of my favourite posts
Actually, whenever you’re going to die, your body releases these endorphins to null the pain of death. It’s crazy, but that’s how much you actually care for yourself.
^ and this is somehow beautiful, really
Actually this is from the Walking Dead
a guy walked into the board room and said
"hi sweetheart if you could fix me up a coffee real quick im meeting with the regional reports manager in like five minutes, thanks darling"
and i just stared at him and coldly said
"i am the regional reports manager"
we are now twenty minutes into this board meeting and i dont think i’ve ever seen a man look so embarrassed and afraid in my whole life
Get that fucking salad out of my face, Jessica
actual picture of actual one direction fans
it’s like a scene from a zombie movie
Fucking kids care more about each other than we do
I was gone from school for two weeks after being in an accident and when i came back to school literally no one gave a fuck. I wish we can all go back to our 4 year old selves because growing up teaches us how to hate and be self centered.
I’m in love with your personality
I’m in love with your face
I’m in love with your smile
I’m in love with your lips
I’m in love with your nose
I’m in love with your eyes
I’m in love with your freckles
I’m in love with your cheeks
I’m in love with your teeth
I’m in love with your tongue
I’m in love with your eyebrows
I’m in love with your hair
I’m in love with each individual eyelash
I’m in love with your body
I’m in love with your legs
I’m in love with your feet
I’m in love with your thighs
I’m in love with your waist
I’m in love with your back
I’m in love with your hips
I’m in love with your spine
I’m in love with your ribs
I’m in love with your chest
I’m in love with the veins in your neck
I’m in love with the marks on your skin
I’m in love with your birthmark
I’m in love with the way you sing to me
I’m in love with the way you bite your lip
I’m in love with your cute bum
I’m in love with how you make me laugh
I’m in love with your skin
I’m in love with your bones
I’m in love with the way you smell
I’m in love with the way you look at me
I’m in love with your laugh
I’m in love with your dorky quirks
I’m in love with the twilight in your eyes
I’m in love with the moonlight against your skin
But most of all
I’m in love with you.